The topic came up again, the third time in one week, so I knew to pay attention. “What exactly is a midlife crisis?” a colleague asked. “And does it always have to be difficult?”

When I look back on my midlife days (which, to me, were my early fifties), I have such compassion for the woman who felt unsettled. Really unsettled. I knew change was on the horizon because I was becoming increasingly dissatisfied with life. I was starting to realize what I no longer wanted (too much time away from home, being scheduled a year in advance, and constant deadlines), but I had no idea what was next. And that made me very uncomfortable.

Little did I know that what turned out to be “next” was learning to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

I no longer think of this stage as a “midlife crisis.” A crisis is often the result of consistently ignoring Life’s invitation to do something different. Instead, I think of this period as a “midlife challenge,” a call to shift our focus from seeking satisfaction and meaning in the outer world to a more curious engagement with our inner life. It’s accepting a new kind of invitation – one that asks us to slow down, reassess, and edit our lives as we learn to be led by a more authentic inner voice.

There were two tools that really helped me during this stage. The first was the Enneagram, a psycho-spiritual typing system designed to help you see your personality – the behaviors, motivations, and beliefs formed by navigating the outer world. This tool helped me to identify the choices that got me into trouble and it gave me a way out. It was a game-changer, and it’s been a roadmap for personal growth and truth-telling ever since. (You can learn more here)

The second was mentorship. At some point, if you want to outgrow your limitations, you need to seek guidance from an objective, supportive outside partner. At midlife, a wise mentor – a therapist or coach – can help you reflect on your life thus far. It’s a chance to explore deeper questions like:

In what ways have significant life experiences shaped the person I am today?

If my life were to end, who would I regret not having become?

What do my most treasured memories have to teach me about what matters most to me now?

What do I need to release from my life in order to make space for the priorities that matter at this time?

What would I let go of if I knew I could do so without negative consequences?

How have the groups that I belong to (family, friends, religious communities, work colleagues, and the like) influenced who I’ve become and the choices I’ve made in my life? Do they support my authentic expression now?

If my body could talk, what would it say about my life thus far?

What do I keep looking forward to?

And what are the simple pleasures that give me a deep sense of joy and satisfaction?

As someone who is now beyond midlife, I no longer find these questions uncomfortable but helpful instigations for evaluating the quality of my choices. They keep me awake and curious, self-aware and tuned in to what my soul needs to feel fully alive.

Midlife, post-midlife, or heading in that direction – there’s never a bad time to check under the hood. When we do, we align our choices with truth. And that’s good news. Because life no longer feels like something happening to us, but more like something happening from us.

Love,

Cheryl

P.S. – My new audiobook with Louise Hay called “You Can Create an Exceptional Life,” is now available. I’ve added new stories and meditations to the recording, and you can learn more here.