I woke this morning and pulled the covers over my head, groaning at the thought of brushing my teeth, feeding the cats, scooping their litter box, and making breakfast. That’s when I knew something was up. When simple daily rituals, ones I normally enjoy, feel like overwhelming tasks, I know it’s time to check in.

Some days it feels like I’m dragging around a loaded backpack filled with emotional explosives that could ignite at any moment. The pack contains things like rage at the leaders who continue to make a spectacle out of the Epstein files, leaving victims in a state of perpetual trauma; the sorrow and sadness of too many losses in a short amount of time; and the anxiety of being a woman in a world run by men who don’t come close to reflecting my values. And now we have war in the Middle East.

On the days when I’m exhausted, I forget to remember that this backpack is behind me, running in the background, always siphoning energy from my life. Given our group’s demographics, I suspect many of you can relate.

What do we do when life feels so heavy? Where do we find peace when the burdens accumulate daily? And how do we reclaim our power when so much of what’s happening in the world feels out of our control?

Here’s what I do. I start with basic self-care. I do my best to get good sleep, move my body every day, eat well, and, most importantly, limit commitments so I have the space to afford me the emotional bandwidth to act from a centered, strong core.

I make regulating my nervous system a daily priority. I move at a slower pace. I take deep breaths throughout the day. I meditate. And I watch for my tendency to make up stories in my head that I then react to as if they are real. My mind can quickly become a runaway train and when this happens, I put the brakes on by naming objects around me. Tree. Cat. Desk. Lightbox. Piano. Tissues. African Violets. It’s remarkable how well this technique works.

I also rage in constructive ways. Rather than imposing my reactions on others, especially on social media, I lift weights and imagine my anger fueling each rep. I dance every day, sometimes to an online workout program and sometimes to the kind of music that opens my pores and lets the energy fly. (Did you know you can find rage playlists on music channels?)

And, inspired by my friend, Kimmie, I love hard. I check in with friends who are struggling and offer support. I empower the women in my life to use their voices. I help people to skillfully get their needs met. And I do my own healing work so I can be an effective role model who doesn’t add to the noise.

Finally, what really helps is something I learned a long time ago in twelve-step meetings: We need to lean on each other. We don’t heal alone. We don’t grow alone. We don’t age well alone. And we don’t make it through tough times alone. We need each other. Community is the bedrock of a solid path forward and in the spirit of support, I thought I’d host a Zoom gathering this week to share our best coping strategies for navigating tough times. We’ll meet on Wednesday at 3pm ET/12 noon PT, and if you’ve joined us before, you’ll get an invite. If not, you can sign up here.

Love,

Cheryl