I opened the cabinet door, reached in, and pulled out the porcelain mug with a hand-painted hummingbird on its side. I miss you, Ileen, I said to myself as I unwrapped a teabag and placed it in the last gift she gave me before she died. Then, as the kettle warmed the water, I stared out the kitchen window and allowed my mind to meander through memories. Sunny mornings in my office drinking English tea and discussing the latest books we were reading. Looking up the symbolism of the animals that visited our dreams. Our last trip to London, Ileen laughing in a wheelchair as Michael carefully pushed her through Christmas crowds in the tiny square near her flat.

This ritual — the ritual of remembering — has become a practical way to make friends with grief. Rather than glancing at sadness and turning away, I’m welcoming the memories and using the process to strengthen the internal muscles needed to host uncomfortable feelings. That’s how growth and healing occur. Over time, these inner muscles become stronger and form the scaffolding that supports us as we face life’s inevitable challenges.

Perhaps that’s why this winter feels different. I used to dread this time of year. As autumn arrived and the garden started to wither, I could feel the weather pattern of melancholy roll in. I’d distract myself with work, holiday plans, or household projects, but eventually the feelings returned. This year, I’m doing something different. I’m letting the sadness be as I say goodbye to the last hummingbird of the season, to the loss of light at the end of the day, and to the reality that the holidays won’t be the same without the loved ones who have moved on.

As uncomfortable as a ritual of remembering can be, this practice bestows great benefits. When you learn to be with the pain of loss, you can welcome in more pleasure. You teach the heart to open, and little by little, it stays open. Before you know it, you’ll find yourself feeling more connected to life, nature, and other people, even strangers. Most importantly, you’ll feel more connected to yourself.

Love,

Cheryl

P.S. – Enjoy the stories, memories, and helpful “affirmation meditations” in my new audiobook with Louise Hay called “You Can Create an Exceptional Life,” by learning more here.