Tag Archive for: self-care

Cheryl's Blog

Don’t feed the beast

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I’m taking a little break from blog writing now and then over the summer, and will be sharing a few popular past blog posts. I hope today’s message is relevant to you (and helpful!).

~*~ Don’t Feed the Beast ~*~

Sometimes we gain wisdom from the most unexpected places. Last week, I had my buttons pushed when I stumbled upon a Facebook exchange about my work. Two women were discussing the release of my new audio program, “Self Care for the Wisdom Years,” and they made a few assumptions about me that were incorrect. And they weren’t very kind about it.

Normally, I brush those things off. I’ve been at this a long time, and I know better than to take things personally. But I’m human, and having just given birth to a new creative project, I naturally felt more vulnerable. In that state, it was easy to overreact.

After reading their comments, I felt compelled to reply and correct their mistakes (compelled being the operative word here). Fortunately, because I was upset, I knew better than to do so. Instead, I walked away from the computer, made myself some lunch, and turned on an episode of Madam Secretary – a favorite TV series.

About halfway through the episode, the actor playing the Secretary’s Communication Director was anxiously trying to get the Secretary to respond to a reporter maligning her work. “No,” the Secretary said repeatedly. “I’m not going to address it.” When pushed further, she exclaimed firmly:

“I am not going to respond. If you feed the beast, it just gets hungrier.”

 

Upon hearing her words, I felt my muscles relax. Well, there you have it, I thought. The perfect intervention. No need to add fuel to the fire.

I smiled, thanked the Secretary, turned off the TV, and finished my lunch. Then I went to my journal and wrote the following:

Misunderstandings
Judgments
Opinions
Frustration
Fear

DON’T FEED THE BEAST.

Wise advice to remember. When you choose self-regulation over drama, you’re no longer at the mercy of the outside world. Instead, you have your own back.

That’s called self-love in action.

Love,

Cheryl

 

Photo by Jan Kopřiva on Unsplash
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The intelligence of relief

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Last Monday, I hemmed and hawed all morning long about whether or not to attend an event that night. There were people I wanted to see, and it was rainy and windy outside. I felt restless and in need of a change of scenery, and I wanted to stay dry and cozy at home. I knew I would disappoint people if I didn’t go, and I didn’t want to disappoint myself.

Back and forth, back and forth, my mind waltzed to the dance of indecision when I finally got sick of it all. Pick one, I told myself, and be done with it.

Often, that’s all it takes to stop the madness that goes on in my mind when I feel on the fence about something. I make a choice and deal with the consequences. But on this particular day, I was honestly torn, so that approach didn’t work. Instead, I tried a different technique.

I sat quietly and considered each option. As I did, I asked myself: Which choice gives you a sense of relief? Within minutes, I knew I wanted to stay home. I was tired, and while I’d miss seeing friends, I could tell by the way my body settled into the chair that I needed rest, not stimulation. There would be other events in the future.

I’ve come to appreciate relief as a form of intelligence. Over the years, I’ve used a version of the above question with clients who were facing tough choices and marveled at how it ended their indecision. I would often ask:

If you knew there would be no hurt feelings, no disappointment or anger, and no regrets, what would you do?

It usually didn’t take long for the client to arrive at an answer. That’s because, so often, we make choices in an effort to avoid pain rather than move toward pleasure.

In my case, I chose a quiet night at home. While sometimes the right decision is to go against relief because a loved one needs help, more often than not, relief is a beautiful reminder of what we need to do to take good care of ourselves.

Love,

Cheryl

P.S. – Check out the audiobook/workshop called Self Care for the Wisdom Years available through Audible. You can learn more here.

 

Photo by Julie Blake Edison on Unsplash
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